The 5:00 AM Struggle Bus- Hop The Fuck On

Pop out of bed, walk/feed the dog, speed to the gym, greet the regulars, make gainz, feel great, kill the rest of the day.  It was my mantra for months.  And it fucking worked for me.

Enthusiasm and social motivation were at an all time high when the morning session was in its honeymoon phase.  I felt like an animal.  Probably looked like a 3-toed sloth, but felt like an animal none the less.  I was superior merely considering waking up at 4:15AM to go bust my ass while most the rest of the world snoozed their alarms for work and enjoyed the comforts of they’re $3,000 Posturpedic mattresses and flannel pajamas; I have a Tempurpedic mattress.  This lasted for months.  Strength, body composition, and excitement all rising as my motivation levels stayed consistent.  Gym was bae; end of story.  It was fun, it was engaging, and it was necessary.  Getting to lift and grind with a bunch of other badasses along side me, fucking awesome.  Then the honeymoon ended when I found my motivation and enthusiasm blowing other dudes like a whorish ex-wife.

Where once I greeted the morning alarm with a spark in my mind, I now find myself cringeworthily groaning as I role over after a horrible night’s sleep to drag myself out bed; which no longer feels comfortable despite my sub-$3,000 mattress’ quality.  Managing to get into a crouched seated position at the edge of the bed, I can feel pains surge through my back like race cars on a track.  The thought of heavy weights and an elevated heart rate are nothing short of horrifying when my bones are cracking and head is numb; the alarm dinging insistently to 4:16…4:17..ok get up fat ass, it’s time to get lean.  I hobble out of bed almost falling over, tripping over my own misery.  Why am I still doing this if it’s such a pain?  I’ve been asked,  “why don’t you just workout after work if it sucks that bad?”   To that I must begrudgingly answer, “because my dog.”  THAT BITCH!  She’s lovely really but that’s besides the point.

I used to workout in the afternoons with more than enough strength and energy to ride the wave.  Then I got a dog.  I was bored at home, alone, and felt that caring for another living creature could transform my otherwise blackened heart into a warm, happy environment; accepting of love and goodness.  Well…come to find out that this dog has a nasty anxiety problem; which trumps mine; that developed into an even nastier bathroom problem, chewing doorway moldings, ripping up kitchen floor tiles, and sending Nile Rivers of piss surging across the kitchen floor that I literally have to jump over to get anywhere.  Not to mention the IED shit mines conveniently slid around the room as she played with her toys.  What does any of this have to do with my whining of the morning workout?  By getting to the gym in the morning, I can get the dog multiple walks, attention, and food before and after the gym prior to leaving for the long 9 hour days at work.  It gave her time to digest and pass her breakfast before I was gone all day.  This all in an effort to ease her problems that caused me stress.  The things we do for pets sometimes isn’t always the correct path for ourselves.  The stress caused by her problems trumps the stress of forcing myself to bed at 8:15 pm whether you’re tired or not and waking up 7-8 hours late with quality sleep often not included.  It sucks balls I tell you!

I no longer feel that buzz, excitement, and sense of accomplishment of this early morning routine.  It’s old and tired .  I no longer am social with the regulars.  I have lost my sociability all together at that time of the morning; which follows me through the rest of my day.  I can feel my warmth hardening and enthusiasm for being fit fading.  And to see all the athletic beasts at my gym killing it together while I sulk on this bench under an impressive 135 pounds; any 15 year old’s warmup weight, just causes me internal strife.  Part of, if not a lot of, the draw to Crossfit is the environment and population of like minded people it attracts.  It’s as much a social scene as it is a fitness heaven.  I still make progress here and there but where’s the joy I should be experiencing and the people I used to bullshit with?  Why not just go socialize and stop being a pussy?  Why do I keep doing this or try to figure out a better alternative?  I really don’t know.  Is it really my dog’s problems that’s causing mine?  PROBABLY NOT.  Actually, not at all.  It’s more realistically me just making excuses for problems I refuse to acknowledge.

It’s too easy to make excuses.  There are things I could do but don’t do because I’m fucking lazy.  The answer would of been to train her to be better alone.  But again, I’m motivationally challenged to measurable levels.  I get by just fine at 5AM.  I go through periods of time where it’s tough but I still do it.  I just need to find the joy in what I’m doing again.  At the end of the day, I’m making gainz in the beginning of the day.  Be happy.  It’s not like I’m going to war every morning.  Or am I?  I just need to get past the plateau and change up my routine.  Or maybe just stop being a tampon and say hey to people more often.  Who knows, it might be the answer.  And maybe stop waiting for social queues to be motivated.  I need to create my own motivation and excitement.

What’s your detractors in the gym or in life?  What slows you down instead of charges you up.  What are you doing that you hate?  I want to hear it all.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. SauceBox says:

    Good stuff! Loved this post. Like the way you write too. You’ve got my follow. Check out my comedy blog and give it a follow if you like it!

    Like

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